There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Randomize
