I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
pray to the hookup gods
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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