I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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