And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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