Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize