if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
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