We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
