How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
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