Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
