saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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