If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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