The maid of honor just puked.
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
It's never too late to be topless.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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