Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Randomize
