you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Randomize
