Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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