Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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