11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
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