barbara walters just said penis...
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
