why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
