it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
i will never coherently bang her
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
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