Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize