idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
