Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
