I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
