i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
