Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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