Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Randomize