I was born with a shot glass in my hand
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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