Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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