I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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