he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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