And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
