I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
