If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Randomize
