i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
So much rum. So many feels.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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