yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
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