I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize