Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
