Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
