it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I'm passing your future prison.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
