He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
