In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
