THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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