if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Randomize
