Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I smell stomach acid.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
