dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Randomize
