so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
