He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
