Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
