I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
