Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
