youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Can I color on your dick again?
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize