she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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