im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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