A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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