my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
