She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
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