If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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