i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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