Ketchup is God's man juice
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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