remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
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