Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
