I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
