I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
