New invention idea: vibrating tampons
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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