Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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