I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
