Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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