I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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