I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
