It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
