i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
