At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
ttyl tear gas
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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