You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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